Defining myself

How do we define ourselves? By our occupations and interests? By our fundamental qualities and instincts? By the people around us and the communities that we build? Or by the events and occurrences that happen to us whether they’re in our control or not? Why am I even asking this question?

I think about this often. How I define myself is crucial to my overall attitude, outlook, and potential for recovery. As I move forward with my rehab, through various achievements and struggles, and as I encounter the many others who are somehow associated with this injury, the question I think about most often is this:

Am I defined by my injury or am I defining my injury?

One of the first posts I wrote on this blog had to do with the semantics and terminology used for those with Spinal Cord Injury (SCI), specifically the use of words like “quadriplegic  or paraplegic.” I explained how much I hated these terms and now I have a better understanding of why I still get frustrated whenever I hear them. It has to do with how I want to define myself after this injury.

When someone has cancer or HIV or Multiple Sclerosis or a stroke or a hip replacement or a number of other medical issues, they don’t start calling themselves something related to that affliction. There is no “hi I’m a cancerplegic or stroke-a-plegic” equivalent with these other situations. People instead say, I have cancer or I’ve had a stroke or I have a bad hip or whatever it may be. They are stating their medical condition as something that they have, instead of something that they are. As challenging as their respective struggles may be, they are not defining themselves by their injury.

A person may choose to define themselves in whatever way they want, as a teacher or construction worker or engineer, as a father or uncle or a Stanford alum or a tennis player or musician…. but I don’t believe that a medical condition has to be a part of that. Which brings me back to my continued frustration with SCI semantics. Why do people immediately want to define those with SCI as a quadriplegic or paraplegic? Why do most people so quickly accept this terminology and start using it?

There is a difference between saying that you suffer from quadriplegia instead of saying you are a quadriplegic. I take less issue with the former term but I refuse to use the latter. I know it may seem stubborn and trivial for me to be harping on these small differences in the way we talk, but I think it makes a world of difference.

Words matter. I truly believe that how we talk about something, specifically what words we use, has a huge impact on what we expect from it. If you repeatedly tell yourself that you’re going to have fun on your weekend trip, it means that’s what you expect, and I think it’s more likely that you will actually have fun. Conversely, if you tell yourself that something is negative and bad and you keep using those words to describe a situation (even if you’re using those words privately and not out loud), chances are that situation will prove to be negative. This relates to what is commonly known as the law of attraction. What you put out  to the world, is closely related to what you get from it.

How do I expect myself to get better and recover if I define myself by my injury? Why is Spinal Cord Injury unique from other medical problems in this regard? Is the common thinking that this injury is so debilitating and insurmountable that from day one, we need to start defining people with these funny sounding words?

I am perfectly comfortable stating that I have a Spinal Cord Injury. This is honest and accurate. But the moment I start using silly words to define myself, I do an injustice to my recovery. If you have a similar injury and are motivated and serious about getting back on your feet, I would suggest you avoid using those words and think about how you want to define yourself. I think we can all benefit from taking a moment to think about what defines us, what doesn’t, and why it matters.